To Really Speak a Language You Must Think in That Language
Of course I don’t remember too many specifics about the early stages of rehabilitation. But I did take notes. Unfortunately the notes were strewn over several binders and folders, and worse, they were not all dated. Now, was this a problem with my TBI, that is; not remembering to organize my efforts, or a byproduct of my stream of consciousness processing. Hard to say. I always had trouble with notes before the accident (hated taking them), and you must admit, if you take time to write down notes you tend to loose the speaker's train of thought. Whatever the reason, I do not have much with respect to written reminders of the first few weeks in rehab. Then, as I became a frequent visitor, I tried to assimilate into the system and at that point I do have better documentation, however, as I progressed and my desire to end this stage of my life took control, I tended to participate in the lectures (without being asked) and so the note taking waned.
What I do remember, I would walk up and down the hallways between my different appointments and speak to myself in..., French. Now I do know a few words of this language as I did learn a bit in high school and had to take a semester or two in college, but speak the language, no; I think not. I also spent three years in Québec where Québécois can be both the people and the language but even during working hours surrounded by those who spoke English as a second language I never ‘thought’ in French. As some of the sessions on brain function were presented I began to understand, why that was and it is amazing what structures of understanding and utility cognitive nodes can accomplish with the barriers they set in place, or perhaps when the barriers are taken down. Thinking in French was not the extent of the open doors I explored. It was like meditation on the superhighway to wherever I wanted to travel. So many of the issues that were ‘news’ of the day were tackled from an incredible perspective and the answers to the worlds problems were right there in front of me, so easy to grasp and all I had to do was ….
Therein lay the problem; How to communicate my findings. Was this why I was in rehab? I had to believe there was a reason for walking the halls in an out of the way building in small town in New Jersey, they were going to listen to me, translate and so help the world as a whole, which was, by the way, something I always dreamed of doing.
As I mentioned in the last posting, I first arrived at the Kessler Institute as an outpatient in the second week of January 2008 which was, roughly speaking, a week or so after I was discharged from the rehabilitation hospital. Again, I had no idea what was really about to happen. I did have an understanding that physical therapy was on order, and that I knew I was in need of. Occupational therapy, whatever that is, was scheduled in, but the most difficult exposure for me was going to be ‘quality’ time with Erin, a very young woman, who was going to help me …, what? Talk again? Well I did want to communicate my ideas, and at the time I was full of them, so was she going to act as my translator? I tried to keep a positive attitude as I approached my first session with her. I think (though I cannot remember this exactly) that my wife came to the first session with me and I did find one page of notes dated January 11 (2008).
So what did we do; Discuss the political races, some of the primaries were underway after all, and the hints of the financial crisis overseas (a recession of global dimensions) were beginning to stream into our own country, what about the suicide bombings in Baghdad Kenya
Instead I was given letters and asked to name all the words that began with that letter. I was so pissed off. Is this why I could only think of a few words for each letter? When that game was over we moved on to a more difficult assignment. I was to listen to short segments of dialog:
Hi this is Dianna, I have a message for….
Call me after … Bye
and then I had to answer questions about each story.
So many people were suffering in the world at large, so many people were in need of better leadership, so much of the structure of our society was changing by the minute and I had to answer questions about …., I went home crying that day.
